The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I lost the right to judge tonight
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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