I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
