I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
