Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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