your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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