She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
