Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
