He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
