I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
