it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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