Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
