hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
