the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize