Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
