How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
