Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
