just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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