Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
