Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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