office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize