How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
