Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
