Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
