onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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