at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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