Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
