If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My cat gives me a boner
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
