I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
