I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We don't watch enough power rangers
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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