I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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