Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
