you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
