I puked a lego.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
