Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
