Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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