I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
