So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
