You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
