at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How external is "for external use only"?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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