I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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