ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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