you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
