If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
