ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
