i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
