four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
