Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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