im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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