too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
