well I can't set my house on fire every night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
