I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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