i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
