That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
