It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
