i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
