i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
