wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
