Soap is not a condiment
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
