I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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