literally had 100 drinks last night.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Is it penis luge time yet?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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