my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
