Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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