Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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