I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
