i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
