they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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