I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
