I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
